It’s not often that you’ll catch me on camera; I have an irrational fear of leaving photographic evidence of my whereabouts and activities… (I’m just kidding)
But for my buddy Jeff Zelaya, I made an exception. We spent about half an hour on a Google Hangout talking about copywriting, marketing and being self-employed. Fun times for everyone. Now I’d like to share the fun with you.
You can check out the video below, where he says some very nice things about me (check’s in the mail, Jeff).
Yesterday we talked about turning your prospects into paying customers by making crazy offers. Did this concept haunt you the way it’s been haunting me? I hope you spent a good deal of time coming up with an almost too-good-to-be-true offer you can use to move potential clients from interest into action.
Ideally, you will come up with an offer so crazy, so compelling that you don’t need much sales copy (or pitching if you’re selling in person or over the phone). Start with a winning product or service and create a very valuable offer and you’re already most of the way there. Now the copy has an easy job. (Confidentially, this is one of the big reasons copywriters are picky about which projects they work on.)
But no matter how strong your offer is, you should still…
Even though making the right offer to the right prospect is 80% of the battle, persuasively-written sales copy can improve response by 10, 100 or 1000%.
Here are 4 qualities that will add extra oomph to your copy:
Identification
Your message should aim for the heart of who your target customer is and how he sees himself.
Nike could talk about comfort, but their customers are athletes concerned with performance, so that’s what their marketing highlights. Lexus could talk about performance, but Lexus buyers are thinking about status. That’s what they showcase in their ads.
What causes one person’s heart to race may not excite the next person at all. Know your customers. Write copy that appeals to their sense of who they are and who they want to be.
Clarity/Specificity
Don’t be the least bit vague about what you’re offering. Tell them exactly what they’ll get, how long it’s available for, how they’ll benefit from their purchase, what to expect next, etc. Clarity creates vision; without vision there is no action. On the other hand, confused people generally don’t buy.
Bold Claims
The idea of under-promising and over-delivering seems to make sense, but it can be suicidal when it comes to marketing. These days, with so many sales messages begging for our attention, you can’t afford to be shy.
Don’t be afraid to make big claims, as long as you can back them up.
People are searching for the best answers to their questions, the best solutions to their problems. Imagine a dentist who marketed his services as getting your teeth “pretty clean.” How long will he be in business? Even if he’s the best dentist in town, marketing like that will ruin him.
Sincerity
Skepticism is at an all-time high. So is the volume of hype-filled sales pitches we see and hear every day. People are looking for providers they can trust. Any hint of dishonesty or shadiness will send most potential buyers running.
Sincerity is like a breath of fresh air. Almost no one is using it.
The less you seem to hype up what you’re doing, the more believable you are. You come across as honest and helpful instead of desperate and opportunistic.
1) If you haven’t come up with it yet, keep working on your crazy offer.
2) Write the first draft of your sales copy ASAP.
3) Test out your offer. Don’t be scared.
If I’ve ever shared anything on this blog that I think you should act on right away, this is it. Don’t let another day go by without considering the immediate and long-term effects this “crazy offer” concept can have on your business.
And get moving!
Robert said something a few weeks ago that has been ringing in my ears ever since it rolled off his lips. He has no idea it’s had such a lasting –almost haunting– effect on me. Maybe I should call him and let him know.
“Have you ever offered anything crazy get people onto your buyer’s list?”
He posed the question to about a dozen bright entrepreneurial minds during our mastermind group call. As I recall, only one or two of us came up with a response.
For the record, Robert Michon is a very smart marketer, so his inquiry comes loaded with knowledge, experience and an ever-present curiosity.
This is an idea we all understand, but most of us don’t do it. Or we don’t take it as far as we should. For whatever reason, we never cross the border into “crazy.”
You hear a lot of talk these days about building your email list, and that’s a good thing. But there is a fundamental difference between people who subscribed to your list to get something for free and paying customers. Understanding the difference and focusing on it appropriately will virtually guarantee increased conversion rates, sales and profits.
The best new customer is a satisfied old customer. The second best customer is one referred by a satisfied old customer. The best prospects to buy your higher-end product or service are satisfied buyers of your less expensive offers (all things being equal).
This idea reminds me of a lesson I learned from Richard Armstrong, direct marketing veteran and AWAI Copywriter of the Year for 2012. In chapter 11 of his book My First 40 Years in Junk Mail, he shares the story of his time working with the legendary Dick Benson. The takeaways are golden. Stealing from pages 56-57:
“Oh, let me tell you one other little secret I learned from Dick Benson. Now that he’s passed away, I can share this with you. Dick was never in the publishing business. He was in the list-building business!”He sold subscriptions to those newsletters for just ten dollars a year! In the process, they became the most widely-circulated newsletters in America… But Dick didn’t really give a damn about the newsletters… All Dick cared about was the lists. In other words, he literally gave away the newsletters in order to build up gigantic mailing lists of subscribers…
“When you understand why he did that, you understand how direct marketing really works.”
I can’t recommend Richard’s book strongly enough. Grab a free copy here.
A significant psychological shift takes place when someone gives you money. If you’ve been in business, either as an owner or an employee, you know there’s a huge difference between a customer and a tire-kicker. Rather than being passive about the process, be proactive. Don’t sit and wait for prospects turn into buyers. Consider making a “crazy” offer, one that’s harder to turn down than to buy. You’ll jumpstart that psychological shift in those individuals, and that begins what will hopefully be a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship.
Either that or you’ll find out that those 1) prospects aren’t as hot as you thought they were, 2) your offer wasn’t crazy enough or 3) your potential buyers don’t see your product as solving their problems or enhancing their lives. No matter what, you’re learning something that you can use to make improvements.
Any type of business can put this idea into practice. A little creative thinking and some courage can make this experiment wildly successful.
I’ve talked before about how Gillette sent me a Mach 3 razor in the mail for my 18th birthday. Some businesses would be too scared to go that far. It’s crazy, especially since the only thing they knew about me was that I turned 18 on November 2. But their small investment (probably no more than $5) secured my loyalty as a customer for over a decade. I’m in my 30s and I still use the very same razor they sent me. When I need replacement blades, there’s no question who gets my money.
Do you see how this could change the way you do business?
1) If you’re not already doing it, start collecting a customer database. Be as detailed as you can. This is a separate list from your general mailing lists.
2) Come up with a hard-to-resist introductory offer and give your prospects compelling reasons to buy. Not just opt-in, but actually send you money. You might be surprised by the difference between $1 customers and free newsletter subscribers.
3) No matter what price point you pick, over-deliver. Give more value than the customer expected.
4) Create back-end offers. Dream up ways to offer targeted products and services (your own and those of other providers you trust) to your customer lists. This is the Dick Benson secret.
5) Test different offers to convert the prospects who didn’t respond to previous offers. Measure results.
———-
I hope Robert’s “crazy offer” question is burning in your mind the ways it burns in mine. One of the reasons it affects me so much is that I know I could go much further into “crazy” in my own business. But more than that, I know this concept can have a huge impact on your business.
I hope this article provides the spark that gets you to take action on this idea.
If your target market had to make an instant decision, without thinking, would they would still pick you?
The mind is always doing something, always focusing on something. We even dream while we’re sleeping. Your brain never really stops working.
My fellow Chicagoan James Ford taught me a very interesting lesson (inadvertently, through the radio). He pointed out that we often look for distractions to give our minds a break. We call that amusement. A-muse-ment is, literally, the act or state of not-thinking.
While I generally discourage the use of funny marketing messages, you should consider being appropriately amusing.
With that in mind, here are some amusing marketing ideas:
1) Make your offer a “no-brainer.” If your offer is just right, the prospect literally doesn’t have to think about it.
It’s not good enough to have the best product on the market or to be the most logical choice as a service provider.
Plenty of outstanding businesses struggle while waiting for the world to beat a path to their door to buy their better “mousetrap.” Marketing is still critically important, and the message it conveys must still engage the motivational drives and desires of the target audience.
There are several factors involved here. No matter how much a prospect wants what you sell, there are obstacles to overcome:
a) You have to be trustworthy. No doubt you’ve heard a lot of talk about getting potential clients to “know, like and trust” you. This is not only because we like to do business with people we like, but because we have a hard time doing business with people we don’t trust.
b) Your offer itself has to be credible. I imagine if you got a letter in the mail offering “Buy 1 Mercedes, Get 2 FREE.” It might grab your attention, but you’d dismiss the idea pretty quickly. We instinctively believe “if it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t.”
By all means, make the strongest offer possible, but make sure it’s believable.
c) Eliminate as much risk as possible. The plumbing in my house is not great. At one point, we had to call a plumber every few weeks. When we finally found a guy we liked, one of the biggest reasons he got repeat business from us was because his 90-day guarantee. If the toilets clogged up in that time frame, he’d come out and fix it for free.
How strong is your guarantee? Do you provide excellent customer service after the sale? Do you share additional information or resources to ensure customers enjoy every possible benefit from their purchase?
2) Get to know your audience so well that you can describe their needs better than they can, using words they’d use themselves. When people feel like you know them, trust comes naturally. Add to that a comprehensive understanding of the challenges they’re facing and the dreams they have, there’s no need for them to look to anyone else when they’re ready to buy. Choosing you is a “no-brainer” decision.
3) Find a way to make buying from you habitual, or attach your offering to the habits of your target audience. That which people do habitually, they do unthinkingly. Here are two terrific articles explaining the power of habits and how they apply to marketing and buying decisions:
The Power of Habit
How Companies Learn Your Secrets
4) Your offer must be obviously valuable. The more clearly you describe what the customer will get after he buys, how wonderful his experience will be, the less he has to justify the purchase to himself. The less internal negotiations have to take place.
The longer he argues, the less likely he is to buy. He’s also more likely he is to either ask for a refund or suffer from buyer’s remorse – a serious problem for repeat business and referrals.
1) Get to know what you really sell. Homebuilders don’t sell structures; they provide safety, security, a feeling of family, the American dream, etc. Authors don’t sell ink on paper, but wild adventures and escapes from reality in packages that fit in the palm of your hand.
2) Get to know your prospects better than ever. Always remember, marketing is not about you – it’s about your would-be customers.
3) Speak to the soul. Go beyond having rebuttals for objections and answers for questions.
4) Work on ways to clearly communicate that the solution to your prospects innermost drives and desires is within their grasp – if they enter the door you show them. Help them see it.
5) Find effective ways to deliver that message.
This will take some work, but it will pay off in big ways.
As a soldier, what main characteristic did David possess that allowed him to defeat Goliath, who was bigger, stronger and more heavily armed?
Most people will say that it was his agility or speed. Just moments before the battle, David decided against suiting up with King Saul’s armor to maintain his mobility.
More important than these things, though, was his willingness and ability to choose the terms of the fight. Even though he was very confident in his physical strength (he’d beaten wild lions and bears in the past), he picked up stones and decided to take out the giant from a distance. I’m inclined to believe David would still have been victorious over Goliath in hand-to-hand combat, but there was no need for that.
He took a weapon he was skilled with and slew the Philistine champion before the fight even began.
When your small businesses square off against entrenched competitors… ones that are bigger, stronger, better-known and better-equipped than you… you can learn a few things from the young warrior David.
There is a strong temptation for look at your potential customer base and think, “If I drop my prices, more people will buy from me. That’s what everyone else is doing.” In most businesses, special offers mean discounted prices. Every conceivable holiday is an excuse to offer a sale. And some of your big competitors spend thousands or even millions of dollars broadcasting these discounts.
How can you compete with that?
Make no mistake: low prices are attractive. There will always be a market for cheapness. That’s probably the biggest reason why a huge percentage of startups open their doors with plans to become the low-cost provider for the customers they’d like to serve.
But unless you have the buying power of Walmart or its equivalent in your industry, that’s a tough fight to win.
Take a page out of David’s book. Pick your battles strategically. What do you offer that’s better than everyone else who is competing for the customers you want?
Your lunch menu is healthier than McDonald’s.
Your plumbing work is guaranteed for twice as long as anyone else in town.
Your T-shirt brand has been worn by more rock musicians in concert than any other brand this year.
In general, you don’t want a potential customer to be able to make an “apples to apples” comparison between your product or service and that of the guy who insists on cutting his prices to the bone. All other things being equal, the customer will buy the less expensive option.
You can’t allow other things to be equal.
It’s essential that you create some differentiator that forces the consumer to make an “apples to orange” comparison.
Your marketing and your sales people force the comparison between your product and the competition at the point of differentiation.
“Look how healthy our lunch menu is!”
“No one guarantees their pipework for as long as we do.”
“If you’ve been to any concerts this year, you’ve noticed how popular our brand is with your favorite rock stars.”
Juxta-position your product in a way that appears unique, especially if your product or service is seen as a commodity.
Have you ever noticed how many different choices are available for chicken eggs at your local grocery store? There are probably dozen options (yes, I thought that was funny).
What’s really interesting is the price difference between some of the choices. For example, your “average” large eggs sell for $1.79/dozen at this particular store. Eggland’s Best Vegetarian eggs normally sell for $3.79/dozen. That’s more than double the price of your “commodity” eggs.
How does that happen?
Eggland’s Best has capitalized on a key differentiator. This type of egg is in a distinct category: cage-free, vegetarian brown chicken egg.
This destroys the “apples to apples” comparison and forces the customer to consider whether it’s more important for them to save a couple bucks or treat himself to this special kind of egg.
Dutch Farms (the Goliath in this example) probably sells a lot more eggs at the much lower price. But Eggland’s Best (David) is carving out a nice corner of the market to dominate.
Can you think of a way to create a special category for what you sell?
Competing on price is almost always a dumb idea. In every case I can think of, it makes more sense to differentiate in ways other than being the cheapest place in town.
I was given the opportunity to share some of my thoughts on the futility and danger of price competition (and the fear that causes business owners to adopt that kind of pricing strategy) over at the One Hour Startup blog. There are 3 articles; I hope you check them out. The feedback has been excellent.
[[ Update: The One Hour Startup blog is being merged with NinjaHobo. These articles are no longer hosted there. ]]
3 Alternatives to Competing on Price – What Dominoes Pizza, Babiators and iPhone lovers can teach us about staying out of the Bermuda Triangle of commoditization, where the only way to win is to be slash prices.
The Wife-Approved Pricing Strategy – If price is the main way to convince a would-be customer to buy, why do people regularly pay premium prices for some products? Here’s an example from my own wife. Oh, and Aston Martin.
Pick Your Battles Strategically, or All’s Fair When Avoiding Price Wars – “…what main characteristic did David possess that allowed him to defeat Goliath, who was bigger, stronger and more heavily armed? Most people will say that it was his agility or speed…More important than these things, though, was his willingness and ability to choose the terms of the fight…When your small businesses square off against entrenched competitors… ones that are bigger, stronger, better-known and better-equipped than you… you can learn a few things from the young warrior David.”
While we’re on the subject, observe Chuck McKay as he destroys the low-cost leader’s argument in 33 seconds:
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In an age when customers research practically everything before they buy, when there are mobile apps that point people to retailers with the lowest prices on items, and brand loyalty seems at an all time low, how does a small business stay competitive without sacrificing profits?
I began answering this question in my previous post, 3 Ways to Avoid Competing on Price. I mentioned three specific ideas:
1. Making bigger, bolder promises — and backing them up
2. Work on your secret sauce. Do something no one else does or add a unique touch of excellence to the mundane (simply make what everyone takes for granted into an extraordinary experience)
3. Develop a killer value relationship with your customers. (Unique propositions are good; unique relationships are better.)
Smack dab in the middle of this conversation about pricing, my wife spent a good chunk of the day shopping.
And just like you’d expect from a good wife, she illustrated my point, albeit inadvertently, by spending over $100 on makeup. Check out the picture above.
I’m pretty sure Ulta Beauty and Sephora have higher profit margins than the average drug dealer. But, that’s where my wife shops.
She could save more than 50% by buying her cosmetics at the local beauty supply or even Walmart.
But when it comes to makeup, price is nowhere near the top of her priority list. She happily pays premium prices for higher quality and unique color palates.
The difficulty with building loyalty is a good point…in some circumstances.
But is Nike struggling to maintain its customer base? Or Apple? Or Coke? Granted, these are established market leaders and most of us are not.
There’s still something to learn from the big boys.
Inexpensive offers almost always draw attention.
But if your marketing message and positioning speak directly to the customers’ need in a way no one else speaks or solves a problem no one else is addressing, price comparison fades.
Have you ever noticed that Excedrin Extra Strength and Excedrin Migraine have IDENTICAL active ingredients in identical dosages?
But one is marketed as the solution to a specific pain. People will pay more for the confidence that comes with that kind of focus.
It isn’t necessarily an issue of loyalty. It’s Sales and Marketing 101: What’s In It For Me?
If your product or service provides a more satisfying answer to that question, you don’t have to stoop to charging lower prices than everyone else.
If your marketing answers the WIIFM question by taking possession of prime real estate in your target audience’s mind, you don’t need to be the cheapest. You set the standard for your industry.
Harley-Davidson is THE definitive motorcycle; people who buy them generally don’t balk at the price.
Here are some fresh ideas to escape price competition:
Be a safe bet. Peace of mind is more valuable than most people realize. By eliminating the risks involved with purchasing your product, you free up some of your customer’s mental and emotional bandwidth. Knowing that they’re not going to get “burned” is worth paying higher price for. Testimonials, social proof, strong guarantees and proven support after the sale make reduce risk and make it easy to buy from you, even if you’re the more expensive option.
Focus on a tight niche, like Excedrin Migraine. A specific solution to a specific problem is always perceived as more valuable than a generic solution to a generic problem. The more painful the problem, the more desperate the desire, the more it’s worth paying someone to scratch right where it itches.
Tell a fascinating story about the origins of the product or the company. Many times customers buy your product because of the “why” that drives your business.
Associate your product with a cause bigger than a simple purchase. Breast Cancer Awareness, Boxtops 4 Schools, and even Made in America are all appeals that attract certain types of people. Become an advocate for causes your target market supports and believes in.
Stop trying to sell to price-shoppers. Charge more and be unapologetic about it. Your product or service is for an elite class of clients. For example, consider the curious case of the Aston Martin Cygnet from Forbes Magazine:
Take, for instance, the tiny European city runabout known as the Aston Martin Cygnet. In its most basic version it sells at more than $45,000. The car is actually made by Toyota and a Toyota version (identical except for some interior accoutrements) can be had for less than $17,000. On an apples-to-apples comparison, Which? (a London-based consumer magazine) reckons the average price discrepancy is more than $31,000. Thus those who prefer Aston Martin’s badge pay an outrageous three times more for exactly the same Toyota engineering!
Is that crazy? Not at all. The social and psychological benefits of owning an Aston Martin outweigh the difference in price for some buyers.
That’s reality. Someone is going to tap into it. Might as well be you.
One of the major reasons we don’t get the results we want in life is because we’re thinking too big.
We want more than we can have. We want to do more than we can accomplish. If we’d start thinking smaller, we’d be much happier.
This may not seem like a marketing concept, but let’s explore this concept for a few minutes to see what kind of business wisdom we can pull out of it.
There aren’t a whole lot of product categories in which everyone can be your customer. Most companies are not General Mills or Fruit of the Loom. Services like people like plumbers or tax preparers have a wider potential customer base. But even in those cases, discriminating against some customer types is almost always beneficial for your business.
In order to market your business to everyone, your message has to be somewhat generic, which invariably lowers its persuasiveness. On the other hand, picking a segment of the population and designing campaigns specifically for them allows you to be much more relevant and compelling, which drives better results.
On top of that, even if you could sell to everyone, some people simply aren’t the kind of customers you want to do business with. Others are the kind of people who are a joy to work with and serve.
Think about this: Red Bull could probably sell energy drinks to most American adults and teenagers (since most of us feel short on energy at least occasionally). But do they make generic ads? To they try to appeal to every possible personality type? Not at all. They sponsor extreme sports and appeal to the risk taker.
That doesn’t keep Suzy Homemaker from sneaking one while the kids are at school every once in a while.
One more thing. Generic products very rarely generate strong loyalty or enthusiasm around a brand. Contrast that with how people feel about Harley-Davidson or Apple.
So, even if you could potentially market your product to everyone, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you’ll get better results if you pick a core audience and really go after them. Other people will probably still come along. Nike promotes their product to athletes and those who’d like to be athletes. But people from every walk of life (forgive the pun) buy their shoes and other products.
In baseball, the catcher covers home plate and the area around it. He rarely plays in other parts of the field. Imagine the chaos if he tried!
Let’s take one of my famous extreme illustrations. Imagine meeting two lawyers for the first time. They hand you their business cards; one says “Attorney-at-Law” and the other says “Attorney/Pastry Chef/Accupuncturist.” Which one are you going to take more seriously?
The natural reaction is to believe that the 100% lawyer is more qualified than one who is 33% lawyer, 33% chef and 33% accupuncturist. Who knows which one is really better. But the guy who can’t seem to decide what he wants to be when he grows up would be a less attractive choice for most of us.
It’s better for you to be world-class at just one thing than to have decent skills in five different areas.
Here’s a humorous-but-not-hypothetical example. It’s a real connection request I received on LinkedIn:
It’s going to be difficult for me to trust a financial advisor who’s also a busboy at Red Lobster.
Maybe it’d be different if he were the manager…
Know your strengths and maximize them. Market them. Know what customers appreciate and benefit from most. Concentrate on those few things.
We get it. There are so many wonderful things about your business and your product. But if you try to talk about all of them, you can over-stuff your message, making it difficult for your audience to swallow.
Stop thinking so big! Pick one thing and become the best practitioner and best marketer of it.
** You can get into trouble by trying to appeal to too many emotions in your sales message. It’s usually better to focus your message. I know, you don’t want to leave out anything that night entice someone to buy from you. But you may very well be sabotaging yourself. Rather than touching on every possible way the prospect could feel about the benefits of your service, consider drilling deeply into one feeling (or at least just one at a time).
** Trying to make “big money” on your first interaction with a customer is often the wrong attitude. This is one of the reasons people in sales and marketing have bad reputations.
If we’re so concerned about making a sale today and extracting as much cash from their pockets as possible without regard to his long-term well-being, we may be doing more harm than good. In most cases, we’re hurting our own long-term well-being in so doing.
** Trying to get large quantities of customers may or may not be the right way to structure your business, even if they’re all ideal customers. It may be better to think bigger about the value you can provide a smaller number of clients. Instead of constantly chasing more clients, it’s more profitable and usually easier to get additional sales from your existing customers.
1) Thinking about how to provide the biggest possible value to your customers. As much as possible, you should try to change their lives for the better.
2) Turn your interactions with clients into big, memorable experiences.
3) What can you do for your customers that no one else can or will do? What’s the most powerful transformation you can affect in their lives? Make sure to communicate those big promises.
In October of 2001, the prettiest girl on my college campus, a popular upperclassman, agreed to go on a date with me, a nerdy freshman.
That following February, she agreed to marry me.
Yes, it was quick and this sort of relationship often crumbles as quickly as it starts. But after 12 years of marriage, I still tell everyone that taking my wife “off the market” was one of the smartest decisions I’ve ever made.
The things that made the wooing process so fast and the ensuing relationship so successful work equally well in my approach to attracting leads and winning customers (taking them “off the market”): singularity of focus, clarity of purpose, selfless commitment to providing value, trustworthiness and reliability.
The Dating Game
When I was 19-years old, I was different than most of my peers. I wasn’t in a rush to jump the broom, but I wasn’t interested in casual dating, either. I was going to treat my girlfriend as my potential future wife. Never did I imagine my life would change so rapidly, but the point is clear: if you’re serious about who you date and why, you’ll move towards wedding bells quicker than those who are “playing the field.”
You have to know who you want as potential customers and why. You wouldn’t just date anyone, and you don’t want just anyone as your customer. Who is your target market? What kind of prospect is a good fit for you and your business?
(The Beat Goliath System is my prescribed strategy for attracting date-worthy leads and turning them into wife-able customers and clients. Find out more by entering your name and email address in the box to the right. )
We all know one of them.
You know who I’m talking about. The “my way of the highway,” Type A personality. The ones who always seems to get his way, whether or not the people around him feel like cooperating.
We label this kind of character “assertive.” He knows what he wants and he’s not afraid to ask or even demand for it. He can be difficult to be around at times, partly because we’re secretly jealous that we’re not more like him in some ways.
Godzilla was assertive. Joseph Stalin was assertive.
But you know who else could be categorized as assertive? Martin Luther King, Jr. Oprah Winfrey. Michael Jordan. They’re magnetic. They move masses and have a huge impact on the world around them.
Obviously, we want to be more like the latter group than the former. How do those of us who need a little more assertiveness move forward without stepping into Godzilla territory?
Note: reader Arthur R. asked me to tackle this question when I asked for suggestions on topics to cover at the beginning of January. Honestly, I’m glad he brought it up. I’m not the most assertive person — my natural disposition is quite the opposite. That’s how I was raised. Thinking about this piece has been helpful for me; I hope you get something out of it as well.
I don’t think there’s any denying that personality traits like assertiveness or passiveness are largely grounded in 1) upbringing and 2) genetics. Some of us grew up watching our role models play professional doormats; others saw dominant examples. And there are innumerable stages in between complete passivity and steamrolling. How do we get around that now that we’re adults?
Let’s look at what assertiveness is at its core.
One definition of assertive is “confident and direct in claiming one’s rights.” This gives us a big hint at the actions steps we can take to tweak our level of assertiveness.
In order to claim one’s rights, one must first know what those rights are. Then, one must firmly believe that they are intrinsic, inalienable rights — you deserve to experience and enjoy them.
My observations lead me to believe that most passive people are stuck at this point. Lack of confidence is a surface issue. The root of the problem is that they lack clarity and conviction; clarity about what they want and conviction that they deserve it as a God-given right.
Without clarity about their rights, how can anyone assert themselves? And if they “know” their rights but don’t believe they deserve them, why should they risk anything by taking initiative?
If Billy thinks no one cares about his ideas on how to improve sales, if he doesn’t believe he has a right to be heard, he’ll probably never lift his voice, even though he knows his ideas will work.
If Billy doesn’t believe he deserves clients who pay him $10,000 for his services, he’ll continue settling for ones who pay $500, even though he feels miserable doing so.
Clarity and conviction pave the way for confident action. When you get a clear vision of what you want and feel the conviction that you can have it (as Super Bowl champ Russell Wilson asked “Why not me?” The other guy isn’t more deserving than me) you can begin to assert yourself confidently. Or, you can start building confidence in your skills, knowledge and ability now that you’re free from the paralysis of ambiguity.
Assertiveness is not inherently self-centered. Being passive can be every bit as egocentric as being assertive.
Not speaking up is not a virtue. Letting other people “win” is only a good thing to do with children. Passivity based on fear/self-preservation or some twisted sense of victimization or martyrdom (“Look at me, always taking one for the team. I’m such a nice guy!”) is nothing to brag about. And it’s still all about you.
Assertiveness can be used to benefit other people. I mentioned Dr. King earlier. He was assertive, but not for egotistical reasons.
Accepting low fees is not the only manifestation of a lack of assertiveness. Many times, we mask our insecurities by sticking nice-sounding names on them.
1) Take ownership of where you are now. Regardless of genetics and upbringing, it’s your responsibility to get where you want to be. You can overcome nature and nurture!
2) Get really clear about what you want in life, in business and/or in specific situations. That clarity is the first step to establishing the right kind of assertiveness.
3) Establish in your mind that you deserve to win. There’s no reason you should forfeit anything you want (as long as it’s moral, legal and scientifically possible).
4) Expand your confidence. Work for mastery in your chosen areas.
5) Attach yourself to something bigger than yourself. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, truthfully I think, that “The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.” Don’t become self-absorbed with your growth and success. That’s what leadership is about.
6) Use your powers for good, as it were.
Have a productive week.