If you know me, you know I’m not usually one for bragging.
But I crossed the $100 million in sales (in my career, not in a year) in late September — and I allowed the spirit of pride to rise up in me…
And I started plotting a way to casually mention it to… everyone.
The timing couldn’t have been much worse, though.
Because at that exact same time, all the folks who’d earned a plaque at the Funnel Hacking Live event started posting their pictures.
I figured my plaque-lacking self would look goofy bragging about my achievement from my office chair…
While so many other people celebrated on stage at one of the year’s biggest marketing conferences.
(This is why you gotta stay humble!)
Is there a point to this story? YES. Two actually.
1. Celebrate your wins, big and small. Don’t wait 2 months to do it like I did. And don’t wait until you get props from Russell Brunson or anyone else — no shade to the Two Comma Club.
2. Whenever you’re feeling down or thinking about giving up… remember those wins.
Think about how far you’ve come. It’s amazing, right?
Truth is, you’re not like most people.
You took a chance (or you’re about to take it) and bet on yourself. You’ve mustered up the courage to go after your dreams and build something that can impact your corner of the world.
That’s not easy. Your courage and contribution deserves to be celebrated.
The celebration starts with you.
No copywriting lesson today (unless your takeaway is that bragging about your wins is good for credibility).
Just encouragement to make sure you’re adequately celebrating you.
Not long ago, I heard a little story that had a tremendous impact on me.
It’s about a surprising quirk Jim Simons has.
Simons is a math genius, Ivy League professor and the multibillionaire founder of Renaissance Technologies.
During a segment on NPR, his wife (or ex-wife, I can’t remember) revealed that Jim always pressed the “Close Door” button when they got on the elevator.
Mrs. Simons thought it was a little strange. So she asked him why he insisted on hitting that button… on every elevator ride.
“If you don’t press it,” Jim said, “you waste 2 seconds… on every elevator ride.”
It’s an important paradigm shift — and today is the perfect time to reflect on it.
First, Simons’ idiosyncrasy emphasizes the preciousness of time. Even in the smallest increments.
I have no doubt that you’re VERY aware of time. Because you probably feel you don’t have enough of it. (I’m the same way.)
But how are you careful over your seconds?
Do you defend your seconds with the same ferocity as you defend your possessions?
If not, why not?
Second, Jim’s quirk highlights action as the essential element of life.
Do you wait for elevator doors to close for you? Or do you take action to make the elevator conform to your will?
Something to think about, right?
Right now is the time to act. (Take that to mean whatever you like)
Whatever you desire to happen in your business… in the world… you can choose to do everything in your power to make it happen.
Now.
Don’t wait for customers.
Don’t wait for change.
Don’t wait for permission.
For the love of God, don’t wait for a sign.
Take the first step to accomplish the thing you want to happen.
Did you know there’s a speed limit for pedestrians in Illinois?
Apparently it’s true.
I was kindly notified several years ago when a police squad car stopped me while I was walking in suburban Chicago one morning.
“Where ya headed?” the cop asked.
Stopping mid-stride, I answered, “Going to work.”
“Oh? And just where do you work?“ Maybe he thought I was telling a story.
“Starbucks on 154th. And my shift starts in 10 minutes.”
I knew exactly how much time it took me exactly 18 minutes to get from home to work because I’d timed it. And I left the house 20 minutes before I needed to clock in, so I could walk at a comfy pace.
Officer Friendly needed more information.
“Where do you live? And why are you in such a hurry?”
That’s when I started getting really nervous. It was pretty early, so there were no witnesses around…
“This is regular speed for me,” I replied, forcing a chuckle. “I just have long legs.”
The squad car idled forward a little, and the officer grunted “Whatever you say. Just be good out here.” Then he took off.
Thank God he didn’t knock me down and drive his knee into on my neck.
A couple years later, I had an almost identical conversation with a different cop in a different suburb.
That’s how I know about the pedestrian speed limit.
I was also tossed into the back of a police car for jaywalking one block from my house…
And I’m one of the lucky ones!
What’s my point?
This email is going out to a lot of people, and I don’t know your personal awareness level around this fact:
Being Black in America is… different
You can be accosted, arrested or asphyxiated for doing regular stuff.
To make it worse, it seems like it doesn’t matter.
The mental and emotional toll adds up over the years — and sometimes the pent-up frustration and anger can spill over.
There’s obviously a lot more to this conversation, but I want to switch gears into action steps. Because knowledge is just the first step. We all have to take action to make change happen.
For today, I’ll mention one thing you can do that I haven’t heard many people talking about in 2020.
Regardless of your ethnicity, you can show support for the Black community by moving your money to a Black-owned bank.
My personal favorite is Liberty Bank & Trust. I hear great things about OneUnited and Citizens Trust Bank, too.
Liberty also has an outstanding mortgage team. If you’re buying a home or investment properties, get in touch with them. (If you talk with Sheila, tell her I sent you.)
Right now, we’re living in a historic moment.
I encourage you to think about this:
When you look back on this moment… will you be proud of your words and more importantly, your actions?
Decide today to what you want the pages of history to say about you.
I am 98% convinced that this coronavirus scare is overblown.
In fact, I’m about 95% sure it’s completely manufactured and manipulated.
But whether or not you agree with me, one thing is abundantly clear…
The concept has captivated people around the globe.
More than that, it’s driven people to take action.
Think about it: this may be the event that FINALLY gets people wash their hands after using public restrooms.
I don’t mean to be insensitive to those who have been affected by this virus.
But, as I’ve said in the past, anything that grabs the attention of millions can reveal important insights into human nature.
If your business can use some extra attention, can you afford to NOT pay attention to stuff like this?
Agreed.
Now, I encourage you to think about this topic for yourself to see what lessons you can uncover…
But I’d love to share a few of my thoughts.
Let’s start with the most obvious.
Fear Still Works… If You Know How to Work It
You’ve probably heard it a thousand times: the natural human reaction to fear is about twice as strong as the reaction to pleasure.
Makes sense, right? You have to be alive to enjoy… anything.
Despite having heard it, many of the marketers I interact with still hesitate to use fear in their campaigns. It just doesn’t feel right.
And I get that.
But let’s be honest. There are some frightening things out there. Things your customers should be legitimately scared of.
If they eat a pound of bacon for breakfast every day, they should be worried about heart attacks…
If they don’t pay attention to their wives, they should be worried about divorce…
If they can’t get people to buy from them, they should be worried about their relatives mocking them when their business fails. (The resulting money problems could lead to divorce, too!)
Those are legit fears… and YOU can help them overcome them. Sometimes — more often than you might like — the best way to get their attention is to leverage that fear in your messaging.
Don’t feel funny about it. This is how you make the biggest difference you can make for your should-be customers.
So…
Even though the CDC says most people are infected with some form of the coronavirus during their lives…
Here’s why COVID-19 scares the pants off of so many people — and how that helps you be more influential
One: This novel coronavirus has been dimensionalized to a greater extent than other strains. It’s seems more “real” and not just a far-away concept
I mean, even if you’re not actively looking for it, there’s a good chance you’ve seen a picture of the virus’ crown-shaped structure somewhere.
Even the name has been leveraged. “Corona” refers to crown. That isn’t unique to this version of the bug… but it now owns a little real estate in your brain that influenza does not.
An invisible germ has been made visible. Memorable.
Two: There is automatically a fear of the unknown. Weall know exactly where this virus comes from, right? An exotic sounding province in China (which is already seen by many as a nefarious force in the world) called Wuhan.
Name another illness that you know EXACTLY where it originated.
If you thought of Ebola and Africa (which is far less specific), remember how scared many people have been about Ebola outbreaks in the past?
Three: There are lots of specifics. The media continually updates us on how many cases there are and where. The word “pandemic” is thrown around loosely.
They’re also sharing stories about supply shortages, quarantines and other scared people.
Although we don’t see many of stories like this one from the Washington Post…
Which brings us to…
Four: Social proof works like crazy.
When everyone else is terrified, maybe I should be, too!
And…
Five: Those supply shortages indicate a complete lack of ability to adequately respond to the potential pestilence.
It’s an effective force multiplier for the fear.
Not only is the disease deadly and spreading quickly… but the people we trust to keep us safe are simply unprepared to deal with the danger.
It’s one thing to go to war with an enemy. It’s another thing to step onto the battlefield with no ammunition.
Six: There’s mystery about how this germ is spreading. I’ve seen the term “unknown origin” of new cases in the U.S. more than one time.
The unpredictability of “who’s next” makes it all the more nerve-racking… because it could be you.
Seven: People, especially in America, have already been introduced to the idea of viruses threatening to wipe out our species or turn us all into flesh-craving zombies.
This is a more subtle influence.
Many of us have already seen this doomsday scenario play out in best-selling thrillers or on the Hollywood big screen. In the back of our minds, it’s not all that far-fetched.
Okay, now…
Here’s a Quick Rundown of Action Steps for You
0) Try to get comfortable using legitimate fear to reach your potential buyer. It is one of the most effective ways to get him to stop and pay attention.
1) Don’t just mention the fear or the source of that fear in your sales copy. Dive into the details that make the fear real… tangible… visible. Refuse to be 1-dimensional in your descriptions.
2) Consider tapping into the fear of the unknown that all of us have. When your would-be buyer THINKS he knows what you’re going to say — or already knows how to deal with the fear — he’s going to tune you out.
3) Share specifics. Not just statistics, but stories. Both images and word pictures go a long way.
4) Get as much social proof as you can. It doesn’t have to be testimonials or reviews of your own. Just show how many people are feeling what you’re talking about or doing what you recommend.
5) Don’t let your prospect overestimate his ability to fix the problem alone.
We all deceive ourselves some times. If he’s unprepared, it’s your job to alert him to the fact — and make him believe it. Don’t be a jerk about it. You’re not trying to make him feel bad about himself. You’re helping him be realistic and honest.
6) If possible, create an air of mystery about the source of your chosen fear.
Even as you’re giving details and specifics, an underlying mystery that makes the fear even more unnerving — and the solution that more urgent.
7) Leverage fearyour ideal buyer already has. You don’t want to have to convince him he needs to be scared of the thing you’re talking about.
If your boogeyman isn’t something he’s already scared of, you can likely make a connection using the Body, Bank & Boo principles.
—
Question for you: have YOU taken any marketing lessons from the 24/7 coronavirus news blitz?
The idea of doing projects “on spec” (without pay) came up in one of the few Facebook groups I participate in.
To be more specific, a woman launching a new service business was offering to work for free in order to get testimonials and build her portfolio.
Is this a good way to start your business? Or is spec work a flight of stairs leading nowhere?
In business (almost) nothing is true across the board. What works for one entrepreneur may flop badly for another. In this Facebook conversation, I felt qualified to chime in and express my opinion, based on my extensive, often painful experience in a field closely related to the one being offered for free. Here is a slighly modified version of my comments:
I’m going to do something relatively harsh here…by recommending you seriously limit this offer (to work for free).
Having testimonials is great, but absolutely not necessary to launch your business. In a way, you’re postponing the launch of your business by clinging to the idea that you need “proof” of the value of your services.
Your time is extremely valuable. Especially since you have a family who likes having you around and “present.”
In all likelihood, doing content marketing for yourself will advance your business more than doing free work for other people, no matter how good their testimonials will be.
The thing is, there’s a huge need for the service you provide — but most of the people/businesses who need your skills do not fully appreciate that need. They don’t feel pain, so it’s hard to pry money from their hands, especially at a rate you deserve.
You would do well to seek people who already feel that need, that have a bleeding neck problem, to use the words of John Paul Mendocha.
See if you can get testimonials from colleagues and friends who already know you and are familiar with the quality of your work. Build up your portfolio working on your own website and marketing materials.
It’s also well worth your time to connect with people who might already be in touch with your target audience. Maybe you can work out a referral arrangement or a way to bundle your services together. Or subcontract work from other established people in the space you want to occupy (or an adjacent one).
Think graphic designers, etc.
And remember, don’t sell your services, as such. Instead, define the transformation you produce for your clients. How will their lives and businesses be different, better than before they hired you — or anyone else for that matter.
Define what you’ll do for them — and what you won’t. Specialize, if you can.
BTW, I’m not always right. This just advice based on my experience.
At the end of the day, my momma told me don’t let no one break me
At the end of the day, nobody ever could stop me
At the end of the day, you can’t regret it if you were trying
At the end of the day, I’m walking with the heart of a lion
~ Kid Cudi, “Heart of a Lion”*
* In most cases. Cudi’s lyrics do not promote values I adhere to. But I like this song a lot, and it’s pertinent to today’s conversation. 🙂
In my most recent newsletter, I asked the question “Is it healthy to believe you’re invincible?” I believe it’s a dangerous path – an overblown ego is bad for everyone and pride goes before destruction – but an essential one if you want to become a successful and influential entrepreneur.
The problem with the previous email is that we didn’t talk about how one becomes invincible. Let’s correct that. Today, I’m going to share my personal recipe.
Please note that because this is MY recipe, it is imperfect (probably). I don’t claim exclusive insight. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned in my own study and experience.
Walking with the Heart of a Lion
When you think about the most successful people you know…and the ones you read about… one of the prominent characteristics that most of them seem to have is confidence. But telling you to be more confident is not helpful at all. That’s not how it works.
You don’t become more confident by focusing on being more confident.
In my experience, I’ve found that clarity is the sturdiest foundation for confidence. But clarity it is even more important than confidence. Why? Because clarity
gives direction – how can you make progress if you don’t know where you want to go?
decreases resistance by strengthening your conviction of the “rightness” of what you’re doing
internal – conviction is the combustion that drives your engine. When you know what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and what you’ll get out of it, those sneaky feelings of procrastination, doubt and lassitude are kept in check
external – your conviction gives you a hard-to-resist pathos when communicating with others. Powerful speakers, charismatic leaders and persuasive salespeople emanate certainty, and are able to move the masses.
Don’t Let No One Break You
If you want to be invincible in practical terms, you need to get clear about
The source of your ability: your God-given gifts, the skills and knowledge you’ve developed and your hard-won experience. No one can take these away. If you put your confidence in your position, the approval of peers or something else that can be taken away, you’re walking on thin ice.
Your end goal. Most of the people you know drift through life. A clear destination gives you a target to aim at. Instead of drifting, you’ll be driven. Instead of taking whatever comes easy, you’ll strive purposefully toward the bigger future you want to attain.
The steps you’ll take to get to the destination, if possible. Or at least the next step. It’s easy to feel paralyzed when you don’t know how you’re going to reach your goal. So take some time, do some research and think it through. Don’t let fear or knock you off the path.
You Can’t Regret It If You’re Trying
Clarity is the first ingredient in my invincibility recipe. Tenacity is the second.
I define tenacity simply as the understanding that success is an ongoing process with the willingness to keep showing up and making the difficult choices required to move forward.
Without clarity, tenacity is shadowboxing.
Tenacity allows you to keep trying, even when things don’t seem to work out. It gives you the courage to test different ideas and approaches to see what works…and what works even better.
Try to avoid second-guessing yourself. It’s a fairly destructive habit. You’re going to make mistakes, there’s no avoiding that. But make a decision and go for it. You’ll be surprised how much good can come from an imperfect decision. And if it doesn’t work the way you’d hoped, be tenacious: regroup and figure out your next move.
The Secret Ingredient
Of the three parts in my recipe, this is the most controversial. Donald Trump and Michael Jordan would probably disagree, and they both have much more money than I do!
I believe outward focus is absolutely essential for invincibility. Self-centeredness limits the amount of value you create for others. It hurts your relationships – all of them – and often leads to depression in the long run.
Remember what Zig Ziglar said: “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want. …If you put other people first, the dynamic of helping others will overtake you and put you over the top.”
Do you mind if I rant for a minute? I promise to make a point eventually.
Thanks.
Take a look at this full page ad from the October 2015 issue of Architectural Digest:
What do you notice?
1) Natural/Organic. The market for organic products is getting bigger and bigger. Now you even can buy 100% natural lung poison.
2) The feel of the ad itself. The visual elements have a light feeling. The fresh baby tobacco plant (which look strikingly similar to a sprig of mint), the rustic table the cigarettes are sitting on, the color palette and smooth sans serif typeface all gently whisper “clean,” “pure” and “natural.” Maybe even “wholesome.”
3) “Additive-free.” At first glance, you may think it says “Addictive-free.” That’s exactly how the first few people I showed this page to read that “headline.” Misleading, right?
4) Disclaimers that essentially destroy the story the rest of the ad is telling. “Additive-free” organic tobacco does NOT make a safer cigarettes.
5) Oh, and a strong front-end offer. A pack for $2 is a steal these days!
It’s crazy how much creative energy spent is spent fabricating a disingenuous marketing statement. If only these admakers were using their powers for good!
(Note: In August, the FDA began pursuing regulatory action against 3 cigarette manufacturers, including the one that makes Natural American Spirit brand, for these marketing tactics.)
Fighting the Tide
You’ve seen those “Real Cost” TV commercials, right?
Recent statistics show that ad campaigns like “The Real Cost” and “the Truth,” as well as other factors have decreased smoking to an all time low in the U.S. That’s the positive power of marketing at work.
(Interestingly, sales of Natural American Spirits have increased 86% since 2009, even as the tobacco industry is shrinking. The power of marketing at work.)
What you may not have seen are the warnings on cigarette boxes in Thailand. They’re a lot stronger than Surgeon General’s warnings. The images show the long-term effects of smoking RIGHT ON THE PACKAGING. You have to see it to believe it. Warning: these pictures are very unsettling, so much so that I’m not going to put them here. If you’d like to see some examples, click here or just Google “Thai cigarette warnings.”
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Scary stuff. But they’re are honest and realistic. What’s really scary is that something like 40% of the men in Thailand still smoke.
What Gives?
Everyone knows smoking is bad for their health. And that truth is increasingly “in their face.” So why doesn’t EVERYONE quit?
That’s an important question to ask because these are the forces you have to face as a business owner/service provider trying to persuade people to buy from you.
Normalcy bias – If it hasn’t happened yet, people often don’t believe it will ever happen. “It” can be anything. Our brains are designed that way. It’s good for maintaining our sanity, but it makes changing customer buying behavior more difficult.
If you rely on fear-based marketing or sale messages, you need to be aware of this bias.
Force of habit – Most of the decisions we make on a day-to-day basis are habitual. Our buying behavior is very much impacted by force of habit. Convincing people to change their routine, or even getting them to realize they’re not consciously thinking about that routine, is no easy task. Even if it’s bad for them.
You really have 3 choices: attach yourself to your potential customer’s already-established habit, come up with a way to make him turn off autopilot and choose you (a really good front-end offer can be a great way to do that) or approach him where he hasn’t developed a habit.
Social proof and peer approval – People care what other people think about them. How are you using that to your advantage?
Contrary/competitive messaging – You need to say something uniquely valuable, and you need to say if often enough to grab some real estate in your prospect’s mind.
Plain old disbelief – According the Mark Schenk “if you assert something as a fact – even if it is a fact – less than half of the people listening will believe you.” (Mark gives his remedy for that reality in this article.)
What’s the point I’m getting at? It’s this: Marketing can be powerful. Use it responsibly and honestly.
“I always listen to everything my clients have to tell me. And then I ignore them… I write it the way it’s supposed to be, up to, and including, sometimes changing the offer without their permission.” ~ John Nicksic
So much for permission-based marketing! …I’m kidding.
Seriously though, there an a few important lessons here. Today, I only want to talk about the most obvious takeaway.
No Disrespect Intended
If you’ve never heard of Mr. Nicksic, let me fill you in. He’s one of the highest-paid old-school direct mail copywriters around. He’s learned a few things about printed persuasion over the years.
When he says he ignores his clients, he’s not being a jerk. He’s simply using his best judgement as an expert in getting stuff sold. He explains it this way:
“I’m a much better direct mail copywriter than they are, so what do I do? I seize control of the message without asking their permission…
“I rely on the power of the copy I hand them for the first draft. I let them read it and see for themselves how much better it is my way than what they had in mind… They quickly see what I’m up to, why it makes more sense, and why it is time for them to readjust their thinking.”
It’s not an issue of hijacking the words that end up on the page. In most cases the copywriter is expected to lead that charge. The thing that needs to be changed is quite often the proposition itself.
Many business owners are sadly mistaken about how boring their offers are. If the product or service you’re selling doesn’t:
promise a benefit that gets the ideal prospect’s blood pumping
describe a danger hiding just out of sight, waiting to pounce and devour the ideal prospect
offer secret knowledge or exclusive access to something the ideal prospect wants to get his hands on
…or some other such exciting result, it will be next to impossible to write sales copy that’ll fix the problem.
Sales copy isn’t designed to make lame products exciting. It’s supposed to
extract the interesting and useful elements of a quality product
shine a spotlight on them and
draw buyers over to take advantage of the newly-exposed value.
A boring offer is a problem that needs to be fixed. Sometimes that means ignoring a client.
I Missed It Bad…
One of my clients had the opportunity to write an email to the subscribers of a well-known personal finance newsletter last week. (I’m excluding names to protect everyone involved, except myself.) The list was 29K strong, all paid subscribers. My client sells a product these subscribers KNOW they need. The tricky part is, a lot of them already own one.
Positioned properly, it could have been a slam dunk.
I spent 3 days writing a 300-word email that would planted doubts about the quality of the product they already owned, insinuated that there is critical information they’ve never been told and gave them access the “hidden truth” in a nonthreatening way.
The marketing director loved it and sent it up the chain for final approval.
The big boss vetoed the free info offer. Instead, he opted to go for the sale immediately with an educational but generic pitch.
The results: 28,987 emails delivered, 14% open rate (which I’m told is over 3 times the average for marketing emails to that list) and 6% click per open.
The number that matters?The email only produced 3 leads. That means only one in about 10,000 people who received the email became leads. When I checked on the results yesterday, none of them purchased the product.
I was bummed out all day.
70% of Copywriting Success Is in the Offer
Denny Hatch estimates that the efficacy of an online marketing promotion depends 70% on the offer, 10% on the list, and 20% on creative (copy and design).
In the case above, I missed it.
I could have taken a more aggressive stance, as Nicksic recommends. I caved without a fight, hoping to keep the client happy. As a result, a pretty massive opportunity slipped through our fingers.
Take note: Even with a great list and a solid product, you have to have an enticing offer.
P.S. I always advise clients and colleagues to make it easy for customers to take the first step. Going directly for the sale isn’t always the best idea.
What are you doing today to make it easy for your “should-be” customers to take the first step toward you?
You know who I’m talking about. The “my way of the highway,” Type A personality. The ones who always seems to get his way, whether or not the people around him feel like cooperating.
We label this kind of character “assertive.” He knows what he wants and he’s not afraid to ask or even demand for it. He can be difficult to be around at times, partly because we’re secretly jealous that we’re not more like him in some ways.
Godzilla was assertive. Joseph Stalin was assertive.
But you know who else could be categorized as assertive? Martin Luther King, Jr. Oprah Winfrey. Michael Jordan. They’re magnetic. They move masses and have a huge impact on the world around them.
Obviously, we want to be more like the latter group than the former. How do those of us who need a little more assertiveness move forward without stepping into Godzilla territory?
Note: reader Arthur R. asked me to tackle this question when I asked for suggestions on topics to cover at the beginning of January. Honestly, I’m glad he brought it up. I’m not the most assertive person — my natural disposition is quite the opposite. That’s how I was raised. Thinking about this piece has been helpful for me; I hope you get something out of it as well.
Why We’re Not Assertive and How to Change
I don’t think there’s any denying that personality traits like assertiveness or passiveness are largely grounded in 1) upbringing and 2) genetics. Some of us grew up watching our role models play professional doormats; others saw dominant examples. And there are innumerable stages in between complete passivity and steamrolling. How do we get around that now that we’re adults?
Let’s look at what assertiveness is at its core.
One definition of assertive is “confident and direct in claiming one’s rights.” This gives us a big hint at the actions steps we can take to tweak our level of assertiveness.
In order to claim one’s rights, one must first know what those rights are. Then, one must firmly believe that they are intrinsic, inalienable rights — you deserve to experience and enjoy them.
My observations lead me to believe that most passive people are stuck at this point. Lack of confidence is a surface issue. The root of the problem is that they lack clarity and conviction; clarity about what they want and conviction that they deserve it as a God-given right.
Without clarity about their rights, how can anyone assert themselves? And if they “know” their rights but don’t believe they deserve them, why should they risk anything by taking initiative?
If Billy thinks no one cares about his ideas on how to improve sales, if he doesn’t believe he has a right to be heard, he’ll probably never lift his voice, even though he knows his ideas will work.
If Billy doesn’t believe he deserves clients who pay him $10,000 for his services, he’ll continue settling for ones who pay $500, even though he feels miserable doing so.
Clarity and conviction pave the way for confident action. When you get a clear vision of what you want and feel the conviction that you can have it (as Super Bowl champ Russell Wilson asked “Why not me?” The other guy isn’t more deserving than me) you can begin to assert yourself confidently. Or, you can start building confidence in your skills, knowledge and ability now that you’re free from the paralysis of ambiguity.
Miscellaneous Thoughts
Assertiveness is not inherently self-centered. Being passive can be every bit as egocentric as being assertive.
Not speaking up is not a virtue. Letting other people “win” is only a good thing to do with children. Passivity based on fear/self-preservation or some twisted sense of victimization or martyrdom (“Look at me, always taking one for the team. I’m such a nice guy!”) is nothing to brag about. And it’s still all about you.
Assertiveness can be used to benefit other people. I mentioned Dr. King earlier. He was assertive, but not for egotistical reasons.
Accepting low fees is not the only manifestation of a lack of assertiveness. Many times, we mask our insecurities by sticking nice-sounding names on them.
Relationship marketing, a.k.a. cowardice when it’s time to ask for the sale
Inbound marketing, a.k.a. taking 3 years to “build trust” when people may be ready to buy NOW
Artificially long sales cycles, the result of letting people stay leads too long. Putting a crazy marketing idea in place can fix that.
Your Action Steps
1) Take ownership of where you are now. Regardless of genetics and upbringing, it’s your responsibility to get where you want to be. You can overcome nature and nurture!
2) Get really clear about what you want in life, in business and/or in specific situations. That clarity is the first step to establishing the right kind of assertiveness.
3) Establish in your mind that you deserve to win. There’s no reason you should forfeit anything you want (as long as it’s moral, legal and scientifically possible).
4) Expand your confidence. Work for mastery in your chosen areas.
5) Attach yourself to something bigger than yourself. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, truthfully I think, that “The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.” Don’t become self-absorbed with your growth and success. That’s what leadershipis about.
This may turn out to be a little bit of a rant. We won’t be discussing a particular marketing concept or copywriting technique. There are a few ideas “out there” right now that I want to talk about. I still think you’ll be get some good information and insight from this conversation, but I apologize for going off-road.
Be Yourself, Doggone It
“Authenticity” is a huge buzz word these days. That’s both a good and a bad thing.
Many of the gurus and would-be teachers online now are pumping the message of authenticity. Be yourself. Speak with your authentic voice. Don’t try to be anyone else, no matter how much you admire them. Nothing wrong with being that unique individual you were created to be, right? Right!
In a copy-and-paste world, I guess that advice is necessary. When everyone seems to be winning but you, it’s tempting to start mimicking what others are doing. Besides, most of our instructors have told us at one time or another not to “reinvent the wheel,” as it were. Find something that works, and model it.
One the other hand, a 27-point list on how to be myself may be counterproductive.
Hear me on this: don’t chase authenticity. Being yourself is simple, even if it isn’t easy. Anyone who makes a big production out of this idea is sending you on a snipe hunt. That includes me. Check out this quote from American president, Woodrow Wilson.
“If you think about what you out to do for other people, your character will take care of itself. Character is a by-product, and any man who devotes himself to its cultivation in his own case will become a selfish prig.” The same is true for authenticity.
By all means, be yourself. If you’re not sure what that means, it’s time for some introspection. Write in a journal, spend some quiet time in deep thought, turn off the TV or radio and pay attention to what’s really going on inside. You’ll probably learn a lot.
We are all imposters and copycats anyway. To an astounding degree, we figure out who we are and who we’re not from the people around us. From infancy forward, we imitate our parents and role models and build our personalities on the scaffolding they set up.
Is that Awesome or What?
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I’ve seen a dozen articles, blog posts and other references to “being awesome” in the past two weeks. Gotta admit, all the chatter is starting to bother me.
What in the world does that statement even mean? It’s fairly arbitrary and generic. What is the standard for awesomeness? How do we measure it? Who’s the final judge when there’s a disagreement over levels of epicness (another word that’s hotter now than when Homer penned the Iliad)?
Here’s a thought. Don’t worry about being awesome. Now, it’s important and praiseworthy to pursue excellence in your field. But that’s more concerned with the pursuit of technical expertise or specialized knowledge. There’s a subtle difference.
I don’t think you can just write an article that says, “Be Awesome or Die.” But there is material out there right now that says exactly that. I don’t see anyone telling me “How Win the Kentucky Derby Right Now!” There’s no way you could sell that idea. On top of that, would you be frustrated if you read the article, and when you woke up the next morning, you weren’t ready to compete in the Derby? Would you wonder what’s wrong with you that you couldn’t get it to work? Do you need any extra frustration in your life?
“How to Become a Solid Marathon Runner in 8 Weeks” makes more sense. Specific, realistic, quantifiable.
My advice? Whatever you’re doing, do your best every day. And every day, try to get better. If you keep getting better, you’ll be pretty epic by the time you’re through. How awesome it that?
Altruism
According to legend, one day Pablo Picasso sat in a restaurant in Paris drinking a cup of coffee. A woman recognized him, approached him and asked him to draw sketch of her. Being the gentleman that he was, Picasso obliged. When he was finished, she took the drawing, and asked “How much do I owe you?”
“$5,000,” was Picasso’s reply.
“$5,000?!” she exclaimed. “But it only took you three minutes!”
“No,” he answered, “it took me all my life.”
What do you think Picasso would say about this romanticized notion of the starving artist? The one who creates masterpieces for the love of the craft, and would never commercialize his art. He will suffer poverty before “selling out.”
The question of art versus commerce is ridiculous. I’ve loosely labeled this idea altruism, that is, doing for or giving to others without seeking anything in return. Not looking for any benefit for yourself.
What does altruism have to do with anything? I’m glad you asked.
Honestly, not very many people are talking about being altruistic nowadays. Everyone seems to be telling you more and easier ways to become one of the rich cool kids. But I know for a fact that a lot of people feel guilty for charging what their services are worth. Or they’re scared to ask for it. Or they question whether it’s right to make people pay them to do what they love to do.
Get those thoughts out of your mind.
It is not greedy to charge what you deserve. If your plumber loves fixing pipes, should he charge you less to do it? Of course not.
Be as bold as Picasso in the anecdote above. Know the value you provide, and ask for pay commensurate with the value you bring to the table.
I’m not sure true altruism exists on planet earth. There is some degree of self-interest involved with every action. But in business, the question is a red herring. Thinking about it is nothing more than a waste of time. Stay focused on doing the best work you can do, creating as much value as possible, and earning what you’re worth for it.
Generosity is good. In most cases, I recommend being charitable on the back end. Earn as much as you can, then give as much as you can (in the words of John Wesley, founder of the Methodist church) to deserving causes.
Feet on the Ground
Wow, that really did turn into a rant. I violated my own principle of talking about one thing, but then again, the overriding topic was getting your mindset right and protecting yourself from time-draining thought processes.
We’ll get back to the regular format next time. Thanks for letting me get that out. If you have any thoughts, disagreements, or whatever, feel free to let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.
